Snakes
by xoxothesubwayfugitive
Summary: Lucius/Severus - an examination of their relationship over the course of decades. Played out in short vignettes about crucial moments in their lives. Can love triumph?
1. Solace

**Something short to start. I want to develop this story deeply, but I'm still working on all the - what do you call them? - details.**

* * *

"Homosexuality is a sin."

"I suppose we are very great sinners then."

"You may be. I have a wife and a son to go to. I do this for you."

"Then please, help me."

* * *

Severus opens the door to the Headmaster's office, his office, and finds a haggard Lucius outside.

"Severus."

"Lucius. Please come in. What brings you here?"

"Severus, I need to see my son. Please."

"You know I can't allow that, Lucius. The Dark Lord doesn't want anyone to visit the students anymore."

"I'm not anyone. I'm his father. I'm one of you, Severus. I don't object to the school but I do miss him." Lucius is close to tears. It is pitiable.

"Lucius, you look terrible."

"Thank you."

"Let's sit, and drink."

They do, on the couch that has so recently been Dumbledore's. They drink in silence for a long while, until Lucius finally speaks.

"He has taken everything from me. My house, my wand, my son. He makes advances at my wife…you do know I love her, right? Despite all this. She is very dear to me and the thought of losing her is horrifying."

"You will not lose Narcissa, Lucius, though you have lost other things. She is not a woman to be made a pawn of. I know your family is important, and Draco will return to you in no time at all. Once we have won, all that has been taken will be returned. As you once told me, there are sacrifices to be made. Do you think that it wasn't a sacrifice for me when Lily Evans died? That I did not reconsider my loyalty?"

"I wish I could believe it. I wish I could believe that it will all come back." Lucius turns more towards Severus, and he puts one hand on his shoulder. "I'm so…I…Severus?"

"Yes?"

"Will you please hold me?" This is said in a strangled whisper, barely audible. Lucius can't even look up.

"Oh yes. I thought maybe you would never ask."

Severus stands, and lifts Lucius up with him. He puts one arm around the older man, and walks him to the bedroom.


	2. Start

When he starts Hogwarts and is sorted into Slytherin, Lucius is the first person he meets. Lucius touches his shoulder in the Great Hall, and leads them to their dungeon common room, and helps him get to Potions class the next morning. Lucius has always been there, and when Severus grows older, he begins to realize what this meant.

It starts pretty early, once Severus is old enough to understand his desires. By then, Lucius is a 7th year; they only kiss once while they are both at Hogwarts. It is right outside the common room, but just a little farther down the hall, where darkness can conceal.

"This is fucked up," Lucius says, even as he bends down. Severus doesn't say anything. He is too busy concentrating, and remembering. Then they walk back into the common room together, and Lucius goes right over to where Narcissa lies on the couch, not one glance back at Severus.

That is in May, and after that many Mays go by before they even get a moment alone. Then one day, when Severus himself is a 7th year, he sees Lucius and Narcissa from a long distance in Diagon Alley. It is Christmas time, and he can see, even from so far off, that Narcissa is pregnant. He feels sick. They meet in the middle and shake hands all around, exchanging pleasantries. Severus mentions he's going to go have a drink before going home; being at home requires fortification.

"Oh Lucius, why don't you go with him? I need to buy your Christmas gifts anyway," Narcissa says.

"Yes, maybe I will." And he kisses her on her pretty cheek, staring straight at Severus over her shoulder.

They settle in at the pub and talk about nothing for a long time. Lucius talks about marriage, a little, and Severus tells him about the things that have and haven't changed at Hogwarts. A few drinks in, Severus feels brave.

"Lucius," he says, "there was something that happened a long time ago but that I still think about almost every day. And I wonder if you know what I mean, or if you care at all."

"Yes, Severus, I still think about that. But I shouldn't, and neither should you. Soon I'll have a baby, and you'll be out of school, with bigger things to worry about. Because there are bigger things. But you know that."

"Of course I know. But I do…I remember how it felt, how inevitable."

"What do you want me to do, Severus? Bend you over the table right here?" Lucius is hissing now, color rising.

"I think you want to," Severus says, bravery coming back.

"Dammit." Lucius gets up in a show of anger and leaves. Outside, Severus sees through the plate glass, he meets Narcissa. She smooths his hair and seems to ask him what's wrong, and he just shakes his head.

"Old grievances," Severus seems to see him say, and they leave.

* * *

 **Not really condoning Lucius and Severus kissing when Severus is ~13, just saying that their relationship is fucked from the start.**


	3. Regretting

When school is over, Severus finds himself living in a dingy little place working in a dingy little shop down Knockturn Alley. Everything around him is escalating, but he just keeps his head down and shuffles to work each morning, hiding in a back room full of hexed clocks and wardrobes that knock about all day long. Although he had always tried his very best, during his time at Hogwarts, to show where his loyalties lied, he still has not been invited to join the ranks of the Death Eaters, and seeking them out is a sure death sentence.

One day, after about 3 months of this lonely lifestyle, an owl knocks at his window while he eats his evening meal.

 _Severus,_

 _He would like to meet with you, having heard about your skills and allegiances. He wants me to meet with you first, however, to make sure. Be warned: any funny business, any sign of traitorism or espionage, will lead to something very disagreeable indeed. Do not come unless you are sure this is your desired path forward._

 _I've a room at the Potbelly Inn. Come there tomorrow at 7 pm. Room 3._

 _Lucius_

By 6 the next day, Severus is dressed and ready to make the short journey. He has taken a bath and tried to make something of his hair, and has put on his somewhat grungy best clothes. He tries to make himself wait to leave until 6:45, knowing that this will still make him 5 minutes early. At 6:40 he jumps up and leaves, and is outside the inn by the time he had hoped to depart. Severus paces back and forth out front for a bit and then decides he's being too conspicuous, so he goes in, and upstairs, and knocks on the door of Room 3.

Lucius looks so collected, Severus thinks. His sleeves are rolled up and he is just in his vest, no robes. But once he lets Severus in, he can see that Lucius's wand was concealed behind the door, and as Severus enters, a shiver washes over him. This place is heavily warded, not casual at all.

* * *

"Do you have any questions?" Lucius asks him, after they have talked for a long time about what it means to be a Death Eater, and what will happen next. The whole time, Lucius has been conspicuously holding his wand; Severus was asked to leave his on a table near the door.

"Can I see your mark?" Lucius shows him. It is ink black, and seems to shimmer as if alive. "Do you ever regret it?"

"Not at all. Not like other things." Lucius pulls his chair closer to Severus's, with one of his knees between the other man's. "There are some things I have often wanted to change." He takes his left hand and places it on Severus's cheek. Severus swears he can see the snake moving, and while he's distracted looking down at it, Lucius leans in and kisses him. Severus can't breathe, or think, or move. He can taste whiskey, and he can hear a ringing sound that seems to fill the room.

"The bed is right here, Severus," Lucius says with his lips only a centimeter away from Severus's. "We might as well stop regretting things."

* * *

"I was drunk," Lucius says the next morning when Severus begins to stir. He is already mostly dressed, tea cooling on the dresser. "I was drunk, and I have to get home. We have Draco now, and I'm needed." He keeps his eyes down as Severus sits up. "We'll see you at the meeting then, at the Manor." And he is gone.


	4. Invisibility

Severus is standing next to the bodies in Godric's Hollow. He is standing there, and he is going blind. No, he's dreaming, or someone is playing a joke.

Anything but this, but her.

The baby is crying. Severus can't bear to look at it, to see her eyes in his face, but he can understand the boy's pain. His cries echo the feeling that has locked Snape's brain in a vice grip.

There is a pop, and Severus knows who has come. He can smell him, he knows the feeling of his presence. Lucius grips his arm, but Severus cannot move.

"We must go, Severus, they can't find you here. Please leave, now."

"Dumbledore knows I'm here," Severus says, still staring down. "Dumbledore knows everything."

Lucius digests this quickly, unphased by the situation and only intent on getting them both far, far away from this.

"Be that as it may, we must go." Is he jealous? Lucius has never had to be jealous of anything before.

"Lily is dead."

"I can see that," Lucius says, and pulls them both into thin air.

* * *

When they land back at Malfoy Manor, Severus is already crying. It's despicable, Lucius thinks, for him to cry this way over a Mudblood who couldn't even love him back. But a moment of softness overcomes him, and he helps his lover into a chair, and conjures him a glass of water. He kneels next to him, and touches his face.

"What you had with her is so much less than what you have with me."

"You can't understand it, you aren't capable of knowing what it feels like to be invisible." Snape will not look at Lucius, he will not return his touch.

"I understand now," Lucius says, straightening up, and swallowing the emotions he had allowed to rise. "I must go put things in order, and be with my family. You may stay here until you wish to leave. Good night, Severus."

Lucius is halfway out the door when a choked voice calls to him.

"But what will you do, Lucius? Let us protect you."

Lucius does not turn, and he does not want to know anything about the "us" of which Severus speaks.

"I will lie, Severus."

* * *

Things settle. The War is over; Lucius has lied, and Severus has given himself freely to the other side. Life may go on.

The two men don't know how to contact one another, how to own up to the way they feel when Friday night comes and goes without seeing one another. Then, finally, Severus drinks three glasses of wine in one sitting and scrawls a hasty note.

 _Spinner's End,_ it says, _tonight. Now. Leave her, leave everything, be with me._

When Lucius receives this note, he is at a dinner party in his own home, entertaining the Minister for Magic.

"I'm sorry," he says, rising from his place at the head of the table, "but apparently my mother has taken very ill. I'll need to go to her straightaway, it seems." And without one look at Narcissa, and without one thought of how he will explain this to her, he leaves.


	5. Peace

**Yikes, there's some ~~sexual content~~~ in this, so be careful if you don't like that kind of thing**

* * *

Peacetime is actually bliss for them, once they get the rhythm right. Chance encounters in Knockturn Alley, in the Potions lab when the school governors take their yearly tours, at the Ministry when Severus is called as an expert in criminal trials. They make it work very neatly, and in such a way that neither of them ever has to admit just exactly how much their skin aches for the other's touch.

One summer, when Draco is finally old enough to enjoy it, the Malfoys go away for a whole summer by the sea. In a choked sort of way, Lucius tells Severus, as they lay in bed one day, that he will most likely not be able to make any excuses for them to see one another over the months.

"I'm sorry, Sev," he says, as he traces the other man's collarbone. His voice is so much lower, so much softer than anyone else ever hears. "But Narcissa has been so looking forward to this, and I can't ruin it for her by disappearing every other week. You understand. She mustn't suspect."

Severus nods stiffly, once, and then rolls to face away from Lucius.

* * *

Somehow, the summer passes, and school starts, as it always does, on September 1. As he watches the first-years file in, Severus considers how long it will be before Draco makes an appearance in their ranks. And the Potter boy too, he supposes. Can't be more than a few years now. Time is creeping up.

Beyond that, there is only one thing on his mind. The Malfoys must be back from the beach by now, even though Draco doesn't attend Hogwarts yet. The air is getting cold, and Lucius will be expected to take the annual tour very soon.

Lucius will be expected. _Lucius will be expected._ He is paralyzed by the thought.

* * *

Certainly, the very next week bears the news that the school governors are on their way, and everyone fixes their classrooms up especially well. Snape doubts very much, however, that anyone else makes their bed in anticipation.

Unfortunately, it is when his dragon hide gloves are wrist deep in a botched Hiccupping Potion, trying to save a drowning rat, that the governors walk through the door of his class.

"Please make yourselves comfortable, if you wish," he says, handing the 4th year who has put him in this predicament his spluttering pet. Severus simply glares at the boy and vanishes his potion, pronouncing his grade for the day a zero. Stripping off his gloves, he approaches the well-to-do witches and wizards now lining his walls, searching their faces for the one he wants to see most.

And there he is, very tan, hair tied back. Suddenly, Severus is self-conscious; he did not spend much time outdoors that summer, and he is pallid. He looks away from Lucius, knowing he will stumble over his words if they are to make eye contact.

He explains his lesson plans for the coming year, and everyone nods approvingly. Glancing around the room, he sees one student who has managed to complete the potion somewhat correctly, and he begrudgingly shows them her finished product. They all clap politely; the student blushes. All Severus can feel is Lucius's ever encroaching presence behind him; soon he will be blushing too.

The wizard leading the group calls out that they must hurry off to Charms, and Severus allows himself to relax. He follows as they file out, exchanging pleasantries but feeling very much as if he needs a large glass of wine. Lucius is the last to go, and Severus chances meeting his eye. Lucius raises his eyebrows and pats his chest meaningfully. Severus reaches up to touch his own, and finds that a note has somehow slipped into his breast pocket.

"Clean up your stations," he calls with his back turned to the students as the door slams shut. "You may be dismissed after you each bring me a vial of your finished product."

He collapses into his chair, not paying any attention to them at all.

* * *

Once the students have left, making a larger ruckus than usual, he notes, he chances pulling the note from his pocket.

 _We'll be staying for dinner,_ it says, _and I hope I'll find you in your rooms once we've finished._

Severus gets up, feeling very strange. He walks down the hall to his rooms, and sits down, and waits.

* * *

After quite some time, he hears the tap of a cane coming down the hall.

 _He's coming for me,_ Severus thinks, and he is amazed. How wonderful to be sought after.

A knock at the door, and Severus calls for him to enter. It's shocking how quickly things happen then. Lucius locks the door behind him, and sheds his cloak. His cane clatters to the floor as well, and before Severus can speak, or move, Lucius is at his feet, kneeling before him.

"Never again," Lucius murmurs, hands moving through the fabric of Snape's robes to find his zipper. Snape, to his own embarrassment, is already growing hard. The anticipation of the day, coupled with this unprecedented show of emotion from Lucius, has gotten to him.

"No," Severus replies, "no, never. Never leave me for so long." His hands are tangled in silky blonde hair, an erotic thrill running through him. His breath hitches as Lucius finds his goal and plunges his mouth down, and his hands move to grip the chair's arms. Severus's head falls back, and his eyes close. It's been so long since anything like this, and he fears he will soon black out.

Lucius, meanwhile, is glad to have anything to focus on, anything other than the suffocating happiness he feels when they are reunited. He wants to throw that all away; no man should feel what he feels for Severus.

Lucius pulls up off of the other man's cock, only for a moment. Severus groans out, missing him.

"Look at me," Lucius commands. Severus manages to jerk his head up and make eye contact.

 _This,_ he thinks, _must be what it feels like to live._

Before long, Severus is coming hard, with undignified grunts and moans, down Lucius's throat. He's pushing hard on the blonde head before him, and when he releases, Lucius looks up from his place on the floor. He opens his mouth, only for a moment, and shows Severus the pearly white that has accumulated there. Then he swallows, and stands.

"My turn, I believe," he says, holding out a hand to the exhausted man before him. His normal tone has returned, and his posture is dignified again. Severus takes his hand, and stands on wobbly legs. Lucius begins to undress him, even as he threatens to fall down.

"I did miss you, Severus," he says, eyes moving over the now naked man. They kiss, unlike any kiss they have shared before. This one, they both realize somewhere deep in their subconscious, means something.


	6. Time

"Why did you do this?" Severus says, squeezing the bridge of his nose. He's holding up the latest _Daily Prophet_ , the one with the headline about the events of the Quidditch World Cup.

The corners of Lucius's mouth turn up as he pours himself a drink. They are at Spinner's End, and he is obviously proud of himself.

"It's not very funny, Lucius. People were hurt."

"Oh Severus, they aren't people. They're Muggles. Besides, there's no proof I was there."

Severus crumples the paper.

"But you were."

"I was."

Severus is looking out the window now. Muggle children are playing soccer in the street. What would Lucius do to them, if he could?

"I didn't come over here to talk, Severus." Now Lucius is behind him, breathing on his neck. Severus can smell the alcohol.

"No, you never do. No time to talk to me."

"Why are you being this way?" Lucius is burying his head in Severus's neck, and Severus is doing his best to be stoic.

"I'm confused," he says, gathering the strength to push Lucius away. "That's all."

"Yes, being in Dumbledore's pocket will do that." Lucius has slammed his glass down, and is swinging his outer robes back on. "Good day, Severus."

Through the window, Severus watches Lucius brush past the Muggle children as if they aren't there at all. He hates that he has to heave a sigh of relief.

* * *

Severus is sweating, despite the cold. He is watching the Potter boy fight a dragon, and he desperately, desperately, wants to help him.

 _If he dies…_

He closes his eyes as the dragon roars, and he can see Lily crying over her lost son. He opens his eyes, and reaches for his wand, unsure of what he will do but knowing that she would be pleased. But then the crowd roars, louder than the dragon, and the boy is on his broom, and everything is fine…

Severus lifts his eyes. Across the arena, Lucius is sitting. Just like him to be here, even though he has no business. Just like him to keep his fingers in every pie.

* * *

"Annoyingly heroic boy, isn't he?"

Lucius is leaning on the door of the potion's lab. The task is finished, and most people are celebrating, not lurking in the dungeons.

"Yes," Severus muses, busying himself with straightening the storage closet. He has not seen Lucius since they fought at Spinner's End. "But you should go, Lucius. Someone will think we're up to something."

"Two old friends can't have a chat? My, the world _is_ changing."

Severus hears him sit down at one of the student desks, and they are silent for a long while. Finally, Lucius speaks to the empty classroom.

"Do you miss me at all, Severus?"

In the closet, Severus hopes Lucius cannot see him pause, clutching a massive jar of beetle eyes to his chest. He doesn't respond.

"Would you like to hear a confession?" Lucius calls out again.

Still no response.

"I suppose I'll tell you anyway, although you are being very rude. _I_ miss _you_. In fact, I came to this insipid little show today in the hopes that I could put myself in exactly this situation. I'm rather pleased with myself, having accomplished my goal."

Severus sets down the jar, and makes his way to the closet door, looking at Lucius. There was a sort of sympathy in his eyes that was very uncommon for him.

"Would you like to talk?" Lucius askeds, gesturing to the desk next to his. "I have quite a bit of time to spare this afternoon."

* * *

Lying in bed, they compare. Both Marks are darker than ever, darker than the first time Severus saw Lucius's, darker than the night Lily Potter and her husband died.

"Undoubtedly," Lucius says, "it will be soon." He is stroking Severus's hair; it is tender.

"Are you afraid?"

Lucius stiffens, because he is afraid. He's terrified. He and Narcissa have been talking about what she will do if Voldemort kills Lucius, about where Draco will go if he kills them both. They have agreed that there is no choice but to go back, and hope for mercy.

"I suppose I have things to be afraid of," he says, hoping his heart is not beating too quickly and betraying him, "but I've done so much since he left. I'll be able to help." His voice is pleading, almost asking Severus to affirm that yes, he has done more good than ill for the cause.

"I'm afraid," Severus says. "Afraid he won't accept me as a double agent, that he will question my loyalties."

"He must," Lucius replies. "I will ask him, I will make sure."

* * *

In the hospital wing, after the third task, Harry shouts Lucius's name. For that split second, before Fudge absolves him, Severus can see Lucius in chains, begging, being taken away. His jaw tenses. No one sees this.

Dumbledore dismisses him, sending him back to face his worst fear, the man who killed the woman he loved.

* * *

So he is there, kneeling at Voldemort's feet, explaining his plan and begging to live, when he hears Lucius clear his throat. That sound is a treasure to him, a reminder of times when things were going to be ok.

"My Lord," he says, and Severus thinks of how brave he is to speak. "I have remained close with Severus all these many years, and I want to assure you that no one can be more trusted than he. He will be your ears on the inside of Dumbledore's walls."

"Silence, Lucius," Voldemort says, but Snape chances a glance upwards, and can see that he is considering what Lucius has said.


	7. Chains

What is Snape's worst nightmare? It's Harry dying, no, it's Lucius dying, no, it's someone finding out about his love for Lily Evans, no, it's someone finding out about him and Lucius.

Snape's life is a nightmare.

* * *

Severus is suffering the injustice of having to comfort Narcissa on the day of her husband's imprisonment. He is standing in her drawing room, holding her as his robes grow wetter and wetter from her tears. While she cries, he is staring at the family portrait over the mantelpiece.

* * *

Later, Severus agrees to protect her son. Draco reminds him so much of his father. Now he is in charge of making sure not one but two children of his lost loves survive this brutal war.

* * *

Somehow, a letter from Lucius arrives. The Dementors are more lenient on Dark prisoners, he guesses, and maybe they can help transport such things. It doesn't matter how he did it, though. It only matters that it is there, in Severus's hands.

 _Dear Severus,_

 _I wanted to write to you the night before I was to go to the Department of Mysteries, but Narcissa wouldn't keep her hands off me. She was worried about the danger, and I told her there was no way the plan, my plan, could go awry._

 _Before I found myself here, in this grimy cell, being with her had become a chore. I love Narcissa, Severus, but I don't think it is the same as your love for Lily Potter. I think I love her as a family member, as someone I could not choose but got anyway. Sex with her had become a sin against sex, something that should be wonderful turned into a dreaded task to be checked off a list. I would think of you before, during, and after._

 _Severus, I want to be with you when this war is over. Once things have settled, I will have a divorce and you can stop teaching and we can be together, proud of who were are. Can't we? I know I have never spoken this way before but being here has left me to reconsider the things I once thought of as solid and unchanging. I've been cold to you, I've been using you, but I want to stop that._

 _Maybe, when I leave here, I will forget what I have written. I'm not sure if I'm myself or not at the moment, but I know that what I'm writing is the truth. Keep this letter, show it to me when you can. I will make good on my promise._

 _Love (yes, Severus,_ _love_ _),_

 _Lucius_

Severus doesn't remember sitting down, but somehow there he is, on the floor. He must read the letter 15 times before he folds it up very small and tucks it into his breast pocket.

* * *

One balmy night, Severus is lying in bed at Spinner's End with the window open. The Muggle family next door, who can't see his house, and do not know it is there, is still up laughing and barbequing. The children are catching lightning bugs, based on what he hears the parents saying. They sound very, very happy.

His Mark burns blazing hot, and he jumps out of bed, slamming wardrobe doors and drawers to get dressed. If the Muggles hear the crack of Disapparition, they make nothing of it.

He lands at Malfoy Manor, and before his eyes can focus he hears a great crowd of people. Then one thing stands out – he can hear Narcissa weeping and repeating Lucius's name, over and over. Thinking the worst, he searches the room for her, even though he wants nothing more than to curl up into a ball and die.

But then he turns, and there he is. Lucius is standing, looking terrible and dirty and tired but very much alive, with his family. And all around them, other prisoners are with their families and friends, and it is the closest thing the Death Eaters have ever had to a party.

Snape composes himself, shoulders back and hair pushed out of his face, before he approaches them. He reaches out a hand, and Lucius takes it.

"Are you…uh…well?" Severus asks, feeling like an idiot. Narcissa is still holding hard onto Lucius's left arm, even as his hand lingers in Severus's. Next to them, Draco has cracked a smile, unable to play the moody teenager at his father's return.

"You may take one look at me to answer your question, Severus," Lucius says, braving a smile even though it looks as if causes him physical pain. "But I am alive, and with my family again."

"Of course," Snape says, bowing his head to hide the blushing. "I suppose I should go say hello to the others, then." They drop hands.

* * *

They are all there for a long time that night, sitting at the table. Voldemort welcomes the returned, although there is undisguised disgust in his voice as he turns to the Malfoys. Their turn at being in favor, it is clear, has ended.

Plans are laid to begin to weaken the Ministry, to weaken Hogwarts, to attack certain families at certain times. When it is over, it is past midnight, and parchment litters the table. Everyone has been assigned a task, and failure comes at the price of death.

* * *

"Please go to bed, Narcissa." She and Lucius are lingering in the doorway. "Go, and I'll be there soon. I promise." He kisses her, hands at her waist, and then she obeys, pulling Draco away with her.

Lucius turns his eyes to Severus, and catches him watching the scene from the far end of the room. He smiles. Severus smiles.

* * *

There's a little closet in the hallway outside the drawing room, and it is there that they meet and kiss, and kiss, and kiss. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Severus is aware that time is passing, but he cannot make himself care.

"Your letter," he says, gasping. "I keep it with me always."

Lucius looks a little concerned at this.

"Yes, my letter. Perhaps a topic for another time."

If Severus thinks this is strange, he doesn't have the strength to say.


	8. Traitorism

Severus watches Lucius crumble.

"You have been a better father to Draco than I have. You protected him when he was sure to die, protected him even against the Dark Lord's wishes." Lucius is clutching the windowsill that overlooks his gardens, watching a peacock make its rounds.

"I only did what you would have done, if you could have."

"I couldn't have, that's the problem. I never could have."

"Please, stop worrying."

* * *

Lucius is beginning to realize, as he watches his world fall down, that Severus's back is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. A landscape of scars and bones pushing up through pale skin. The perfect place to place his hands as he thrusts, the perfect place to fall when he is overcome with pleasure.

They never talk about death. It's too close to both of them. But on those rare nights when they can curl up and fall asleep together, they are both trying to memorize the other's body, just in case.

* * *

Severus is afraid to bring up the letter, although he now holds the power in their relationship. The Dark Lord prefers him over Lucius, trusts him more, and allows him to sit in the seat that was once Lucius's. He has wealth he had never dared to desire previously, and his desk is in the Headmaster's office now. But he cannot imagine how terrible it would feel to say "What about your promises?" and have Lucius say "You have to understand, I wasn't in my right mind…"

* * *

Lucius is kissing him with purpose, squeezing Severus's waist with intensity meant to meld them as one.

"Traitor," he snarls, even as he kisses him deeper.

"Evil, evil man," comes the reply, even as their robes are shed.

The two are frantic, deep in the Forbidden Forest with a shield cast around them. They have revealed themselves fully to one another now, for there is no more time for secrets and no more time to doubt that they can trust each other. Each one has others they are meant to be with, duties they are meant to be performing. Outside their bubble, the world is reaching its end.

"Perhaps we will never see each other again," Lucius says as they both regain composure, straightening hair and brushing dust off their robes as if someone would be looking.

"Impossible," Severus says.

* * *

"You have to understand," Lucius sobs. "I wasn't in my right mind. I should have done it sooner, I should have done it 15 years ago, when the Dark Lord was gone and we had the chance. If you come back, we can be together."

They're in the Shrieking Shack. No, he is in the Shrieking Shack, with a corpse. It's all over, and as they were waiting for the final moments, Lucius heard Harry tell about Severus's bravery, and he realized he was speaking in the past tense, and his heart turned to ash. And then as his master and the boy fought, as everyone moved into the castle to see the end, he turned and ran.

"Don't do this, Severus. Don't repay my cruelty with cruelty." But Severus isn't moving, even as Lucius throws himself on the body.

He tears through the dead man's clothes, desperate for a touch of flesh upon flesh, and as he does a piece of parchment fall out. It's his letter, his promise of a better life, kept with him even in death.

 _Love (yes, Severus,_ _love_ _)_

"Yes," Lucius says out loud, his voice hoarse but close to yelling. "Love, Severus."

He lowers his lips to Severus's bare chest, and wishes that in his life he had taken more care with it. What a lovely place to lay his lips, as he is doing now, and yet, how rarely he took advantage of such a thing. Now the spot is cold, and the heart there still, and yet his lips press on. If Lucius pulls his head away, he is sure that the world around him will go black, that he will die too. Maybe, he thinks wildly, he _should_ die too. They can lie there together and be found together and Lucius will unfurl the folded letter and lay it between them as proof that love did once exist. But then Lucius realizes that although he doesn't know what happens after death, he knows for sure that if there is a division of good and evil, he and Severus will not be placed together. In that way, death would be the same as him going on living; they will be apart. There can be no respite. There is no saving grace.

For a long time, he stays just there, head on chest, hand on head. Almost peaceful, almost like they are asleep.


End file.
